There is something to be said for deprivation, because it stokes the appetite and makes the gratitude when you finally get what you want just unbelievably huge. It can be fun, sometimes.
For the last 12 minutes i have not had a single smoke... And i am dying for one. In a minute i will allow myself to have one. Its a Red, already out of the pack, ready for my eager lips to wrap around it tightly and triple pump for a huge filling infusion of smoke for my empty lungs.
Enough writing though. It is now time to light up.
The first hit is so fucking intense. Triple pumped as promised and filled my lungs all the way with hot strong Marlboro smoke. Holding it in as i write this. The feeling is indescribable and so addictive. Of course nothing came out on my exhale. I just needed all the smoke so bad that it had to stay in my lungs forever.
Now to drag quickly and deeply, one drag immediately after the next, no air just smoke, smoke for each breath. Its a bit like hyperventilating but a lot hotter. And this too is so very addictive. All these little addicting details that feed and reinforce the larger main addiction and when i say reinforce i mean like a steel reinforcement, a strong hard reinforcement that cannot be cracked shattered or broken. Shackling me to my need for smoke and throwing away the key.
Halfway thru and im dragging much harder. Writing about smoking also leads to more smoking. More need. Seeing how long i can hold the smoke. Up to twenty seconds so far. This is a game i can play with myself endlessly and never tire of. Competing with myself to set a new personal best for holding smoke in my lungs.
Getting down to the filter, where its hot. Love these dangerous drags. The hot cherry that threatens to fall off and burn me doesnt stop me from sucking hard on the filter. I need those last few precious hits before i demolish the next cigarette. And now ive got them and they were amazing. And its on to the next Red because i cant stop now. Im aching for it too much.