Ooh yeah.. The first cigarette of the day is a relief and a thrill simultaneously. I was dreaming about smoking again. This has been happening more and more lately. I will be sleeping and the dreams of lighting up kick in, and then I am waking up in the middle of the night or way too early in the morning just to flick my Bic. Just writing about it has made me want to light up another when the one I am dangling while typing this is finished. It seems like my addiction is getting stronger and stronger. My need to smoke is getting more and more frequent and holy fuck is it ever intense. I feel like I cannot get enough nicotine and the craving and yes ache for it is taking over my entire being. The thought I just had is that today I need to seriously chainsmoke. I know it will make me even more addicted but I really need it and the temptation is simply too great. The only question is, Marlboro Reds, Silvers, or both? Hmm. Both. Definitely both. And maybe at the same time as well. All this writing about smoking is stoking my need even more. I am going crazy with craving *while I am smoking* and so I am dragging the smoke into my lungs as deep as I can and holding it there so the nicotine can really take hold of me. Getting such a good nicotine rush this way. Oh yeah, today is going to be smoky af.