Smoke Log, 5.23.17

 

6:22 a.m. Dying for a cigarette. Having coffee and Diet Coke and watching CNN, and lighting up a Marlboro Red to give me a much needed kick start this morning. Woke up craving nicotine really badly after my shoot yesterday - all that smoking has really revved up my addiction. Just lit it up...flooded with relief with every deep drag. Nothing like the first smoke of the day. 63 butts in the ashtray from yesterday. I guess I should empty it before I end up spilling it on the floor like usual.

 

6:31 am: lighting a Pall Mall Blue.  Still feel like I havent even smoked yet. Super deep drags on this one. Probably should have had another Red. Probably will light up a Red when I finish this one.

 

6:36 pm: Yep. Lit up that Red. Also? Yum.

 

6:46 am: Nat Sherman Blue. I can't wake up. The nicotine is the main reason I am still awake instead of napping.I want to go back to sleep so I can wake up and do my morning cigarette all over again.

 

9:38 am: Took a fitful nap. Kept thinking about having a Red and the few minutes I was out were filled with dreams of lighting up.

So I am lighting up a Red now. Even though I am not really supposed to smoke that much inside. But hey, that's why they make air freshener, right? I need this cigarette and I dont want to smoke it standing outside my door. The first drag is bliss, and I am holding the smoke in my lungs for a little too long so I can really feel the nicotine. Doing so is exciting.

 

11:02 am: Fell asleep again, have just woken up, so I get a third "first cigarette of the day", the way I see it. I mean, obviously I wont just be smoking 3 today, rather this is the third time I have dubbed the cig I am smoking the first of the day. Anyway. I am smoking a Virginia Slim 120 and it is very satisfying. I have a lot of editing to do today. But I think I will have another 120 before I get to it. I could use the extra nicotine.

 

11:10 am: Second VS 120 before editing. Practicing my french inhales as I sit on the futon and listen to this crazy hearing on CNN.

 

11:13 am: A bowl is also a good thing. Having a little morning sesh to go with my VS 120.

 

11:17 am: Now I want a Pall Mall. So a Pall Mall I shall have. It is very fucking good. I guess Pall Mall and VS are pretty sympatico lung partners. But then, does any cigarette really not get along with another? They are terribly good in multiples, after all. Maybe those gross herbal cigs dont mix well. But tobacco? Bring on the different brands!! I find myself taking really deep drags. Each one takes a little over a quarter inch off my cigarette and transforms it magically to hot ash. Which just fell off onto the floor as I held my cigarette between pursed lips to write that sentence.

 

11:30 am: Smoking a Red while I edit a clip where I smoke two Pall Mall Blues at once. Reds are so good and strong.

 

11:53 am: Waiting for my video to save while I smoke a Pall Mall Blue. I cannot seem to get enough nicotine today.

 

12:16 pm: I am smoking inside much more than I am supposed to. Oops. Right now it's another Red. Still editing.

 

12:22 pm: Pall Mall blue. My cravings today are insane.

 

12:59 pm: just had a small bite for lunch. The craving is so enormous after eating, the feeling of needing a cigarette becomes so insistent. So I just lit a Red and yes, it is amazing. Ahh.... So much better now.

 

3:53 pm: Slept a while longer - I didn't get much sleep last night - and now that I am awake it is an Adderall and a Pall Mall, which conveniently rhymes. I have a major nic fit happening from sleeping. Just lit my cigarette and... oh, yeah. Really, really good. The nicotine hits my system when I fill my lungs up with that first big drag and that craving turns into enjoyment.

 

4:01 pm: So, one is not enough. Just lit another PM from the first one. Good, damned good in fact.

 

4:20 pm: Sesh time!! Using a water pipe. Best cigarette ever after smoking that... A Red because, well, it's a formidable kind of smoke, I guess. Lots of smoke. Which I am currently enjoying.

 

7:41 pm: I had to stop smoking inside and air things out before my roommate got home. I have not had a cigarette since the last entry. I am going crazy. Every cell in my body is screaming for a cigarette. When I can finally smoke it is going to blow my mind because I am so desperate for one. Even just a few puffs would be better than nothing. And I can't smoke outside because roomie is spray painting on our tiny patio and I guess next to an active Aerosol can isn't the best place to smoke. This bites. I am edgy and a little frantic.

 

9:25 pm: So fuck this, I'm lighting up a Pall Mall. O.m.g. that is wonderful. I am taking super-deep drags to make up for my deprivation. Oh, it's ever so good.

 

10:20 pm: I may or may not have snuck another cigarette. If I did, it was a Red. Okay, I did. I snuck a Red. Cause I'm a rebel, see?

 

10:42 pm: quick sesh... I am almost out of greenery so I have to conserve... Just like with smokes, though I have less willpower in that area for sure. I keep saying I am not gonna smoke inside and then I feel that creeping yearning that just gets bigger and bigger and suddenly caution is thrown to the wind and I am puffing away, relieved for the moment. But that moment only lasts so long. And then another cigarette is required. So relief can always and only last so long. The ache for nicotine always returns, just as hungry as it was before, if not more so. And yes, the VS 120 I am smoking right now is hitting the spot, but I know this relief I feel is merely a temporary reprieve for the eternally addicted such as myself.

 

Late night: smoked probably 10-12 cigarettes while videochatting.

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