Things are not looking so hot.

I can get the laptop to save and upload but each operation results in a crash that then requires reboots and diagnostics to get going again. And these crashes are happening after i do one single task or edit. I cannot get my work done. 

This is very depressing. Obviously i need to get my work done as my life is sort of arranged around eating, sleeping in a covered building, having electricity - luxuries like that. I am not employable because of severe mental illness. This is my one option, this site, this thing I do.  I am between a rock and a hard place with no knife to cut my stuck arm off.

Nicotine First Thing

Oh, goody. I have been waiting to unleash this clip on you. It is 10 minutes of a first morning smoke (that lasts three cigarettes). In it I actually speak! I do have a voice, it's true! The surprises never end around here, I'm tellin' ya. Anyway. I talk about how badly I need that first damn cigarette. I have on no makeup, I''m fresh off the futon ( I don't have an actual bed ). I even have my morning Doubleshot. If this sort of smoke appeals to you, well, this is your clip. And it's available in the Latest Clips section NOW.

Also, damn

Yep. Definitely need a new laptop. $430. I dont have it. So i am going to limp along with this one even though it crashes every five minutes because its too slow for editing. Because i. Will. Not. Be. Stopped.

Yeah. 

Shooting today. Smoked my face off then smoked my other face off. I may or may not being feeling manic. It might just be an enormous nicotine rush. 

Today: Nat Sherman, Marlboro Special Blend Gold 100s, Marlboro Red 100s, Virginia Slims 120s. Oh. And menthol Saratogas I found hiding in a drawer.

Nicotine Haze

That's what I'm in right now. A nicotine haze.

I am trying like mad to make this laptop behave with mixed results - basically I do not have enough RAM so it keeps crashing, and I keep restarting, and it will go for long enough for me to do like one thing to the file and save before it crashes again. Lather, rinse, repeat. 

But. Maybe I can convince it to let me upload. If so there is still a backlog of clips to be posted on the Latest Clips page. 

One thing is certain - no matter how this equipment debacle turns out, I am smoking my face off. 

Concentric Circle

I am so thankful for the cigarette between my lips and the smoke in my lungs at this moment, I could just freak out. I am in Diagnostics Hell. But at least this Hell allows chainsmoking.

ETA: Marlboro Special Blend Gold 100s. I love these things. Also, no, I do not use the grocer's apostrophe on 100s. I have my reasons. 

Also, there is a momentary letdown when faced with the last cherry embers at the filter, but this feeling is quickly replaced with anticipation and excitement because, hey, there are more cigarettes.  

Fuck

No, this is not a post about smoke fucking (not that there is anything wrong with that).

My laptop is being fucked again and preventing me from doing anything. I am tapping this post out on my phone. I cant save my clips and i cant upload them to the site. It let me upload one new clip and now nada.

I truly do not know what to do. I need a new laptop but the one I would have to get is like $400. It might as well be a million. 

Yes, people terrified about losing their livelihoods do smoke more. But then, so do people celebrating. I would rather be the latter, but unfortunately I am the former. 

I have absolutely no idea what I am going to do.  i have to have a working computer to do my work, which in turn pays my bills.

This is a really bad position i am in.