If i had a choice - which i dont because i have to do this to survive, ironically - i would take back every clip i have ever released and just disappear. What i contribute to this fetish appears to have no value whatsoever. And 16 years is a long time to take a hint. No one would miss me and no one would care, because people like me - girls like me - are just so infinitely replaceable

doing something 16 years and still being at the bottom. How would you feel?


Worthless. Unimportant. That is how I feel. And like no matter what I do it will never be good enough. 


But hey. Who fucking cares how I feel.



I think the blog is not a useful part of the site. There are rarely any likes on the posts. I dont know if they even get read. So i am just going to get rid of it. It will be better than just watching it founder while i try to fill it w decent content.

so when i get a chance i am just going to ditch it.


Sorry Im a Rollercoaster

Im inconsistent. But holy shit i really hope i am worth the wait. Because i get very behind in emails and other tasks when my brain isnt working right. And at the end of the month im hustlin' and on the struggle so my focus tunnelvisions to that (and smoking way more than i can afford) and i lose track of correspondence im supposed to return or ideas for videos i had or really any fucking marketing in general which i desperately need. Believe it or dont but trying to market my work is one of the most difficult obstacles that i cant seem to scale. If only i had a marketing manager that, like, worked for free.

Im a bit herbal so i forget where i was going with all that. 

Wait. I got it again. I was trying to say im sorry i suck so hardcore at these tasks. I can only do my best. And i will do my best to catch up as soon as i am clearer and a bit less nuts. 

We good?