Wherein I Copy Bernie

So I haven’t been updating lately because I have been in the hospital because I had a heart attack.

Currently recuperating and trying to somehow follow doctor’s order of “avoiding stress” while at the same time face enormous financial pressure because I’m too weak to do anything income-generating and the month is nearly half over. Which translates into being majorly screwed. Which translates into … STRESS! ta-da! Funny how that works.

The part about the doctor’s orders where I’m not supposed to smoke is not going so hot either. Because of course I am smoking. But like I said, STRESS. Also, addiction. What would YOU do? That’s what I thought.

Help to get me through this month can be sent here -> http://paypal.me/annievox - and any help is appreciated so much, you have no idea. The stress is really getting to me and I don’t want to end up in the hospital again - my arm is beyond fucked up from the IV and I was NOT one of those lucky heart patients they put on a morphine drip like in the movies. I could use a morphine drip right around now to deal with this stress. This bullshit heart thing is going on, PLUS about five other extremely stressful situations that are core existence problems and so I just might fucking keel over. I hate asking for help. But I’m asking for help, if you are able and inclined to take pity on me.

Writing all this just exhausted me. I have to rest for a little bit so I can sit back up and have a cigarette. Because being deprived of nicotine is horrible. In the hospital I had to have my friend sneak in a vape pen that was in my backpack and I would stick my face into the backpack, draw on the vape, hold it in to get that nicotine goodness, then blow it back into the backpack so the nurses wouldn’t smell the flavor (I wouldn’t have had a good answer for “Why does it smell like green apple and tobacco in here?” so face down into the backpack it was)

Yes, I still have fingers, but....

As it turns out, the new toy is PERFECT for edging. As I suspected. HOWEVER. Orgasming? Uh, no.

I wish I would have gotten the more expensive model.

I know I should have waited. But waiting? OMG, how little an option that truly was. I’m pretty sure there is a stipulation in my lease that says I am not allowed to climb the fucking walls, which is EXACTLY what would have happened had I waited until I could have afforded eighty-five whole dollars on a sex toy, which would have been who-the-fucking-fuck knows WHEN. I would have gone completely (more) insane (than I already am). So it just was not possible that I do that.

So I got the less expensive model. Like, the ground floor, entry level model. But my equipment is apparently a bit more sophisticated than THIS equipment, and needs a more refined approach. (And also, like, a closer fit on my clit, but that doesn’t sound all tea and crumpets so it’s in parentheses)

Nonetheless, I am fucking BRAVE and DETERMINED, not to mention BEYOND ADDICTED, exploring new frontiers in addiction.

I’m kinda like the James Tiberius Kirk of Sexualized Nicotine Dependence - in girl form, of course, with big tits. Finding newer, farther out tobacconist galaxies containing untold volumes of fresh cigarette sex addiction, transporting myself to different nicotine-bliss dimensions, recording my findings, and getting ready to fuck a green bitch (by which I mean a menthol Saratoga, but feel free to imagine anything you like).

I’m working on a new site, BTW, that I think you’re gonna really like. I know I’m super into the idea, cause I can’t work on it without chaining and … well, you know what I’m up to, don’t you?

Okay, back to editing some webcam video, hitting my water pipe hard and often, and smoke-straddling the edge while chaining Reds.

Obligatory donation link: If you want to contribute to The Seriously Brutal Smoke Imprinting Toy Fund, you can do so here. If you contribute, please include in the ‘Notes’ that it’s for the Toy Fund and include the best email to write to you, so that I can thank you.

Red Label

i really love the way these Marlboro Red Label smell before you light them up. they remind me of how Reds used to smell when i was in 6th grade, i would always smell them first before i lit up, and started associating the nicotine rush with that enticing virgin tobacco scent.

The smoke is nice and mild too, as mild as it can be while still being strong enough to sting my tongue and throat. I can feel it going down my windpipe as I drag, dangling it while I’m typing. wisps of smoke from the cherry end are going up into my nose, a little bit and then TONS when i drag, even MORE when i drag hard. and i am definitely dragging hard, ,i am getting a fucking buzz off this Red Label, it’s seducing me into wanting more of this brand inside my lungs. but then again i am a total brand whore, i take all comers at least once, letting their strangeness smokefuck my insides deep and hard so i can compare which brands are the most aggressively penetrating, the most likely to boost my addiction and push it even further.

im getting more and more obsessive about imprinting and increasing my addiction in different ways. i think about it constantly and thinking about it constantly makes me smoke constantly and that feeds my imagination even more which just makes it hungrier and so… i’m pretty much singularly focused right now on nicotine addiction sex, and at any random point of the day there is something going on that is serving that end - and usually has been for hours, already.

started trying to write some stories but the problem with that is i get so into it that they get way too dirty way too fast, like super extreme. i need to learn how to tell a tale slowly and build it up. its just when you’re high af and on pills and chain smoking for hours while you edge you kinda tend toward to more extreme side of smoke slavery. or i do, anyway.

these Red Labels are so fuckin good, i just love them so much… i want cartons of them, all around me, right now, so i can imprint with them for days, popping adderall to stay awake and smoke more, getting so high, smoking multiples with double and quadruple drags, going for a whole week without stopping, just smoking and edging and staying so fucking high. id smoke sooo much.

liting 2 together now and i cant think about typing anymore, i need my hands for other things

so 1. the imprinting is going well. but,

2. it may be going TOO well. it isn’t easy to stop. i’m not getting much (any) sleep. my tongue has lost all feeling. im on a permanent nicotine (and other things) high, and there are tingling parts of me that will remain tingling forevermore.

Reds all night, up til a few minutes ago. now it’s American Spirits. lots of thc, lots lots LOTS and um riding around in the atiVAN etc and a lot of rechargeable activity down south and now lighting a new Spirit from this one cause i just dangled and direct hit this one into filter-down oblivion.

my head is spinning is such a delightful way.

Reds Win

cant keep my lips off this special lil vape that makes my mouth and lungs ache to be filled with lots of thick hot tobacco smoke. the Reds own my lungs for the rest of the night, i have no control over how much smoke goes inside of me now, i am too fucking high and too fucking ADDICTED i need ALL OF IT so im gonna keep hitting the vape and lighting the Reds and dragging on them hard as I can and inhaling the smoke as deep as I can and holding it in as long as I can and feeling it inside me as much as I can and exhaling it as little as I can and doing all of that all over again until the cigarette is down to the filter. And then lighting up another, of course, because now I cant stop. Im iincreasing my addiction, just as i predicted. it’s getting stronger. it’s getting hungrier.

Nicotine is Helping Me

It is MIND BLOWING the ideas you can get when you are getting high AF and chainsmoking cork filters - myself, I’m alternating the ever delicious and organic American Spirit Yellows, as always rolled ever so tight, and those strong, bold, unapologetically lungfucking Marlboro Red 100s that use their chemical clouds of thick opaque smoke to addict me to more than just nicotine - after smoking Reds I find myself jonesing even harder in ways that feel stronger and oddly different than just that familiar nic fit ache, ways that gnaw at me and make me ravenous for so much more than I should take into my exhausted lungs. But I keep getting higher and I keep lighting up more Reds and that makes me want even MORE Reds and it’s a cycle alright and it goes vroom vroom and I’m on the bitch seat riding it, feeling it vibrate between my legs as I drag deeper and deeper, over and over and over again.

Imprinting

Recorded my first couple of imprinting sessions and they went wonderfully, so exciting, so thrilling, so ADDICTING. I didn’t want to stop. But I’ve been told that building up is WAY better because it truly solidifies the new circuitry you’re building. In the last two weeks I’ve gone from 20 minutes to 3 hours. What I need to work on, though, is dangling and fucking SUCKING hard and fast, direct hitting it back down into my lungs immediately, so I can burn through those packs. When I get it really down I’ll make a vid. Or maybe I will make clips of all my practices first. There’s gonna be lots of me choking on hard dragged smoke.

Smoking Harder

Getting high is so amazing, not just for the obvious reasons, but for the way it makes me smoke so much more than if I’m straight. Especially if I just do hit after hit after hit after hit until I can barely sit up - then I can sit there and go thru as many packs as you throw at me - as long as you keep making me fill my lungs with more massive amounts of thc every pack or so. I’m hitting infinity tonight, because I want to see how many packs I can get thru in an hour. It’s practice, or training, or whatever you want to call it. I call it fun and hot and very fucking addictive.

While I do this, I’m going to concentrate on smoking HARDER. Taking deeper, HARDER pulls on the cigarette, SUCKING that filter fucking HARD, drawing in as much of that creamy smoke into my lungs via direct hit as I can while the filter turns a darker and stickier brown.

There’s no way this can’t also be an imprinting session though. So glad my toy is rechargeable - I would have to own stock in several battery companies at this point. Good old USB keeps the heat going and the imprint permanent.

Addicted-er

Chainsmoking while edging has proven to be the most effective way of kindling a larger, more powerful nicotine addiction. The longer the session, the more cigarettes, the more the need is increased. There comes a time when it snowballs and a sort of mania sets in, where a thousand cigarettes doesn’t seem like it would be enough, just endless, lustful need need need, aching, craving, wanting, grinding in anticipation of… addiction lurks and then it creeps and then it glides innocently and then it hides and then it coils like a boa constrictor getting ever tighter, ever bigger, binding you, rendering you helpless, controlling your entire body. The caveat with feeding and increasing an addiction with the chain and edge method is that every time you light up a cigarette from the first session of note onward, lust will overwhelm you. You will have completely imprinted yourself - cigarettes equal sex. No going back. But then, you probably won’t want to.